Celia’s Wisdom

The other week at her dad’s house, Celia said, “Chocolate is like jeans.  It goes with everything.”

Yes, I still exist…

Well, here it is January of 2008.  Wherever does the time go?  I decided to just post a quick update.  The kids are doing well in school.  I had to call Celia’s teacher and tell him that she wants more work.  He said he’d be happy to oblige, and that her only issue in school is her wandering mind.  I empathized.  At home I can tell her to put her shoes in the basket.  She’ll walk to the bathroom, come back, and say, “What did you want me to do?”  And the shoe basket is just inside our door!!!  David is doing well.  He is beginning to read.  He can read books containing sight words and words in the -an and -at families.  His autistic brain predisposes him to excel at sight words.  Daniel doesn’t show what he knows, and I was beginning to worry that he wouldn’t know anything when he began Kindergarten next fall.  Then the other day he sat down, flipped through a book and named all 26 letters.  He has also shown that he knows quite a few of the letter sounds.  He hides his knowledge so well, I wasn’t sure he knew his ABC’s!  What a relief to find out that all this time he has been absorbing what I’ve been teaching.  And Henry, though 2, also has begun recognizing a lot of letters and some sounds.  His speech is a bit delayed, but I have begun more concentrated “therapy” into our day.  He has shown some improvements just in the last few weeks.  As for me, I’ve finished a few knitting projects.  I hope to post some photos soon.  I’ve also begun a college application to a 2-year program.  With 3 of my 4 kiddos in school in Fall of 2008, I think it would be a good time for me to get a degree.  Well, that’s about all for now.  Perhaps I’ll get to write again soon…

I’ve survived!

Well, I put my kiddos on the bus this morning. Amazingly I didn’t even cry. I was proud at David as he breezed past the first seat. The one he was supposed to sit in. And sat with a little boy from our neighborhood whom we don’t know. Celia pouted. She wanted to follow the plan. Sit together in the first seat. It was an issue again in the afternoon. But they survived. David’s book says that he did well. That was from his Learning Support teacher. Nothing from his Kindergarten teacher. Celia was thrilled to announce that there were no tests and her teacher had no reason to yell at her. There was one boy, however, who kept talking. Oh, and at 12:30, I indulged the hyper-vigilant side of me and called the school nurse. David was supposed to get his Risperdal at 12:10, after recess. I got hold of the nurse. She put me on hold for about 5 minutes. When she came back, she apologized and said that it had been a busy day. She also added that David was now on his way to her office. She said that everyone forgot. Once again, being hyper-vigilant has paid off. So in your face, Dr. Collins!

Basset Hound Woes

Some of you may know, I have a Basset Hound.  Yes, four kids and the dog.  And the cat.  And five young frogs.  And a fish.  And as of yesterday, three slugs.  With the recent separation, I thought Scott would be happy to have a dog to keep him company.  He is a dog lover.  But, he said no.  We moved in with my dad who has a dog also.  They play well together.  But my dog will counter top surf and knock over the trash can.  My dog has gone upstairs and pooped on my dad’s floor several times since we moved in.  Since things here are tense and my dad doesn’t actually talk to me much, I decided that I should find a new home for the dog.  It was something I had discussed with Celia already.  Something I’d thought about since before leaving Texas.  My mom thought it was the right decision.  Scott didn’t really say what he thought.  Just that his mom said Daisy could stay there for one month while I made up my mind.  All I heard from my dad was a report from my sister that I didn’t have to get rid of my dog.  That was it.

The same horrible day that I enlisted the kids in public school, I posted the dog on Petfinder.  Since then I’ve received emails from 6 families.  Three of them were previous basset owners.  One of them didn’t actually have internet.  The tech from their vet’s office contacted me.  The gentleman had gone into their office and asked if they knew of any bassets that needed a home.  The tech had just seen my ad the day before.  I waited about a week before calling the couple.  I finally just called today.

They seem like great people.  They’re in their early 60’s.  The husband has macular degeneration and a guide dog.  The wife misses her basset.  She died 4 years ago and is now ready for another dog.  I talked to the husband for quite some time today.  He said he’d be calling me back soon.

When my dad finished with work, I told him that it seemed I found a home for Daisy.  He seemed shocked.  He said that things were going well.  That she plays nicely with his dog.  That he hasn’t had to medicate his dog for her separation anxiety since we moved in.  He said she just lies in front of Daisy’s crate.  He’s begun closing the door upstairs so the dog and cat can’t go up.  He said he’d rather not have the cat on his new furniture either.

And wouldn’t you know that there I am torn up inside and my phone rings.  The wife was calling to find out if they could come up tonight!  It was 7 when they called.  They had to eat dinner and then drive an hour to get here.

I asked my dad what I should do.  His advice was to call them back and tell them the kids were really upset and now I had to talk to them about it more and decide what I want to do.  Then he adds, “Unless you want to get rid of your dog…”

So I did.  I feel horrible.  The poor couple was so excited about the basset they found.  They were so excited about it.  And I called them up and told them my kids were not handling it well.  I needed one more week to think about it and talk it over with them some more.

And it wasn’t truly a lie.  Earlier today Celia told David that we were selling Daisy and he got really mad at her.  I asked her to drop it.  That I would handle it.  She said, “So handle it!”  But we had just pulled into the gas station.  I said I would handle it…later.  While pumping gas, I could hear them fighting again.  When I got in, Celia announced that David was mad at her.  He was sitting there with a stern look on his face.  I sighed, “Celia, I wanted to handle it.  I wanted to talk to him.”  She said, “So talk to him.”  But I couldn’t.  He was so upset that he wasn’t going to hear me.

So, after all of that, I have kept my dog.  I have one week in which to decide if I truly keep her or I can call the couple and adopt her out.  Stay tuned…

Never thought I’d do it

This morning at 9 AM, I met with the principal of the local public elementary school.  Yes, I know.  Gasp.  I was considering public school.

But, a lot has been going on lately.  The move from TX.  Leaving Amanda and her family.  Moving in with my dad.  And my marriage separation.  Things have not been as honky-dory as I wish.  Believe it or not, I am stressed.  My dad and I get along.  Most of the time.  A couple times he stepped over the line with my kids.  He quite clearly disagreed with my rules, and was rude.  We quarreled.  Then of course, while we weren’t talking to each other, he stepped in dog poop.  Yes, my dog pooped in his bathroom.  And it wasn’t the first time.

It didn’t help that I’ve been off my Celexa for far too long.  I was easily upset.  But with everything going on.  Maybe everyone is right.  Maybe homeschooling it just too much.

And when I called PA Cyber, they informed me that open enrollment ended July 31st.  But I was more than welcome to put her on the wait list and see if she was accepted.  Now, does that make much sense?  It takes 10 days for enrollment to be completed.  And this is a CYBER school.  Not an in person school.  Even if they count the first day of school as August 27th, shouldn’t the last day of open enrollment be August 17th?

Anyway…  My choices were to either go and fill out my affidavit and paper work to homeschool the kids, or to enroll them in public school.  With all the things going on at home, the thought of paperwork and reporting on my homeschooling just seemed like too much.  But at least I do have The Weaver Volume 1.  And I figured I could round it out with the second half of A Beka’s Language Arts and Math from last year.  After all we only finished half.  And it was ahead of what they did in the public school.  And I think if I was in Texas I would do it.

But I’m not.

The principal met with David.  She talked with us.  She said that she thinks David would do well in AM Kindergarten, then leave for his services in the special education room.  He would have lunch, recess, phys ed, music, computer lab, and art with the all day Kindergarten kids.  He’ll get library time with an aide with him.  Between you and me, if she had said anything else, I would have left and been completely justified in homeschooling.  But as it is, maybe it’s for the best.  Maybe.  If the little ones benefit, and David does well, and Celia grows and overcomes some fears, then it will be worth it.

Celia remained adamantly against school.  She also wanted NOTHING to do with the bus.  She was still moping when the principal asked how David will handle the bus.  Remember, there are no seatbelts aboard.  She said that the first few rows are reserved for kindergarteners.  She also said that Celia and David will be riding together to and from school.  Celia perked up.  Then the principal asked if I thought Celia would be interested in sitting with David on the bus.  She overheard and jumped up.  Celia informed her that she most definitely wanted to sit with David.

Things were looking up.

From there I took Celia and David to Wal-Mart.  David picked out a Spiderman 3 backpack–trimmed in blue of course.  A blue lunch bag.  A blue sandwich box.  A Spiderman 3 folder.  A Spiderman 3 thermos.  Celia still has a pink backpack in excellent condition.  She picked out a  pink heart lunch bag.  A pink sandwich box.  A hot pink polka-dot folder.  A pink floral thermos.  Since she’s going into second grade, she also got a pink pencil box, and ten floral pencils.  David needed new sneakers.  He tried on a bunch and settled on a nice black and white pair.

Needless to say, they’re officially excited about the start of school.

A whole new world

In Texas, people like to think that they live in the best state in the Union.  But, I don’t think that statement can be any more true than, “This is the best dog breed, and everyone should own one of these…”  There is something for everyone.  We are not all happy with the same things.  If we were, this world would be boring.  Instead, “variety is the spice of life.”

Before moving to Pennsylvania, I was told that PA homeschoolers receive a free computer.  Free computer sounds pretty good.  In TX, I was the teacher and administrator of my own home-school.  No reporting.  That’s pretty good too.  Well, now I am in PA.  I have to fill out affidavits and  supply proof of residency and vaccination records for my children.  Not too bad, I guess.  David is autistic, so I have to have a certified special education person sign off that my homeschool is sufficient for his special needs.  That’s a bit much.  BUT now I’ve come down to the nitty gritty.  In PA there are cyber charter schools.  Free public school in your own home.  That’s why the free computer.  Also free printer/scanner/fax.  Also reimbursement for internet provider.  Not bad at all.  So, I can choose a curriculum from their somewhat limited list, and enroll my daughter for 2nd grade.  And rather than wondering how I am going to afford the curriculum I want, I can work with the curriculum offered, teach my daughter while being guided via the internet, and supplement it if need be like I would any normal school year.

I would also think this option would help other parents feel less intimidated by homeschooling.  If I were a parent who wanted to give it a try, I would feel more like it’s a no lose situation.  Why not give it a try?  It doesn’t cost anything more than a typical public school.

Still in denial

I am currently sitting in a dark hotel room.  My four children are sleeping spred over two double beds.  Tears are freely streaming down my face.  Tomorrow we will reach Chicago.  Yesterday I left Plainview.  I left Amanda.  I left my best friend.  Leaving Amanda and Caedmon and Presley and even Kevin feels like I left a very important part of me behind.  I have ripped out a piece of my heart and left it behind.  Of all the difficult things I have gone though lately, this has pushed me over the edge.  I was trying to sleep.  But I can’t.  Last night at least I was driving straight through.  Tonight I should be sleeping.  My feet should be propped up.  Instead, I sit here listening to my daughter scratch mosquito bites, my son make an occasional cough, and the air conditioner fill the room with its steady droning.  Scott is out with his friends.  He is going to miss a wedding this weekend.  A wedding he really wanted to attend.  But leaving Wayland has messed up so many plans.  I had finally reconciled myself to staying in Plainview.  A thought that was bearable only because of my friendship with Amanda.

Celia wants to know what I am doing.  She’s asked that I type that she misses Caedmon.  Her words of comfort for me are, “At least she is going to visit us…”  And I sob harder.  I asked that Amanda tell her mom that all I want for Christmas is plane tickets from Lubbock to Philadelphia.  And as I laid there trying to sleep tonight, I decided to add SouthWest Giftcards to my Wish List.  Even if it is for only a short visit.  Even if I have to go alone.  I want so much too see Amanda.  Could it be that it was only yesterday that I left?

I have never experienced in my life such heartache.  I have never felt such lonliness.  I have dealt with loss through death, but I think that this is almost worse.  At least death is a more valid reason for losing someone.  This seems more like abandonment.  Like I chose to give up a friend that I love and treasure.  And yet I still cry out to God for mercy.  I pray that He will move them to be close to me again.  I pray that we’ll be reunited soon.

Slow Progress

Each day is a struggle to wake up, let alone pack.  And each time I leave the kids to pack something, I emerge five minutes later feeling elated that one box has something in it, only to find that David has either: dumped a 1000 piece puzzle, or shredded Styrofoam into tiny balls, or dumped the leeetle Legos, or helped himself to the last few chocolate morsels in the house, or gotten out scented bubble mix and then left it unattended where Henry found it and then tried to blow bubbles but spilled it, or decided to go to the car to get something and since our storm door has no latch the dog let herself out and ran away across the road and across the college campus to a point where I no longer see her…   At which point I feel like I’ve taken 2 steps backward.

Today I left the house at 2 o’clock and didn’t return until 7:20.  First the kids and I went to McDonald’s Playland.  I had hoped Amanda could come, but since they’re moving tomorrow, they were very busy today.  Around 4 we left McDonald’s and went to Wal-Mart.  I was fried from…well, life, so I told the kids well in advance that we were not, under ANY circumstances going to the toy aisle.  And since we’ve had 2 Code Adams in the last couple weeks, I put my “safety belt” on David.  In reality, it is a dog collar meant for a very large dog, reduced to fit David’s or Daniel’s waists, with a 5-foot dog leash attached.  He’s too big for a toddler harness, so I had to get creative.  I used to have one that even had an oval ring that screwed closed keeping the leash on the collar.  David can open a clip.

Wal-Mart went better than expected.  He had only one major melt down.  He had a few tantrums.  He called me “jerk” maybe 5 times, and “idiot” about 3 times.  It was less than at McDonald’s…  I had to put him in the cart during his major melt down, but since Henry was napping at home while Scott packed, it wasn’t too big a deal.  It only took a few minutes till he stopped trying to punch me and call me names till he was making his high pitched “me-me-me-me” sound and reaching out for a hug.  He apologized.  I let him down.  We got our few groceries, looked at a few other things, and then left.  We didn’t look at toys at ALL !

We then ran the groceries home and since Henry was still napping, we continued on without him.  We went to Amanda’s new house.  It was probably 5:30 when I got there.  The kids were LOUD.  There were doors slamming.  Kids hiding in closets.  Kids screaming.  Kids walking toys on walls (that would really just be Daniel).  Kids fighting.  Kids crying over hurt feelings.  And no, they wouldn’t take their playing outside.  No matter how many times we laid down the rules, David and Daniel kept getting carried away and getting everyone in trouble.  And because of stress and exhaustion, Celia and Caedmon are both extra dramatic and moody.

Suddenly it was after 7 and Scott was asking what was for dinner.  Amanda and I both balked at the time and decided Pizza Hut buffet sounded easy as long as the husbands agreed.  They did.  We all raced over.  All 10 of us.   All the parents were tired, and all the kids continued to be loud.  Then, at the end of our meal, a major storm blew in.  The rain was going sideways.  We decided to have a refill and wait till it eased up.  Which just meant more of us telling the kids to stay seated.

And tomorrow I do it all over again.  Because while I was away, Scott got a decent amount of packing done.  Without the kids, it went much more smoothly.  I just don’t know what I’m going to do with them tomorrow!

Checkups

On Friday Celia and David saw the Pediatric Developmental Specialist in Lubbock for the last time.  When the nurse, Jesus (Hay-Zeus), called our name to go back, Celia was in the bathroom.  David and Daniel rushed to Jesus and I walked toward the door and told him we were waiting on her.  The door closed.  I could hear Jesus tell them that we had to wait for mom.  But I couldn’t see what was happening.

Celia emerged and we joined Jesus and the boys.  Henry was buckled into his stroller, so he was no problem at all.  Jesus immediately said that when he told them they were waiting on me, David stopped and waited.  He said he was impressed at how well David is doing.  I was beaming with pride.

After weighing and measuring the kids, we were taken back to an examination room.  Luckily we didn’t wait too long.

The doctor came in and began with David.  Celia stood right next to me, and couldn’t stop trying to interject information about her own life.  I tried listening to her in hopes that she would calm down, but to no avail.  Finally I said to her that the doctor was focusing on David right now and she would have her chance soon.  The noise in the room from the three boys was deafening.  I’m amazed the doctor and I could talk at all!  But we did.

She asked how school was going for David.  I said we’ve taken a time out because of the move.  But he has a great interest in learning to read, and in all areas he’s progressing.  He’s been coloring and writing more.  His speech is improving.  He knows the phonics sounds to most of the letters.  He is recognizing bigger, smaller, same, and different.  And he’s answering questions better.  Then the doctor asked where David is receiving therapy.  I answered that I’ve been doing it all myself.  (Services in this area aren’t worth the battle with the insurance company!)  But all in all, the Risperdal and Strattera seem to be doing well with David’s ASD.

Finally time for Celia.  She asked about school.  I said she finished the year well and is excited about homeschooling.  But we’ve taken time off because of the move.  The doctor asked if there were any academic concerns.  I said no.  Celia makes very good grades.  And I told her that her first grade teacher never told me until I asked her, but her attention improved at the end of the year, and Celia left her seat less often.  (I had no idea she was having a hard time staying seated!!!)  So, the Strattera is helping Celia.

During the entire visit, in the background, David and Daniel both wanted the Larry Boy stuffed toy.  I ended up having to set the timer on my phone for 5 minutes and make them trade.  The arguing and fighting ended.  As soon as the timer beeped (which was really annoying in the small room) you would hear, “Here you go…” and then Larry Boy would trade hands.  No head locks.  No scratching.  No punching.  Just sharing.

The doctor seemed very pleased with what she saw and heard from Celia and David.  I was very happy myself.

I’ve been delinquent…

Well, lately we’ve been consumed with packing boxes, keeping David from killing Daniel and even Henry, seemingly pointless yard sales, and coping with all the upcoming changes.  I’ve neglected my poor blog.  And my blog stats confirm this.  My number of views have gone from 64 to 30 to 10.  Yes, I have not been the dedicated blogger I vowed to be.

School has been shut down for the time being.  David’s Risperdal is still a double dose in the morning.   And then the rest of the day consists of bribing Celia with tokens to help us pack and do laundry, doing ABA holds on David, removing Henry from the dog’s water bowl, and packing one box every two hours.

My one piece of joy and thanksgiving is that yesterday I heard Amanda promise Caedmon that he would see us every day this week.  I have had a major fear of wanting to see them this week and only hearing that they are too busy with their move.   Yes, they are moving too.  But not to Pennsylvania like I want.  They are merely moving to a new home here in Plainview.  I want so much for them to move near us.  I don’t want to lose Amanda’s friendship.

Thankfully there are tools such as blogs, email, and cell phones.  But when you consider that the kids and I are used to seeing them a few times a week, this is a drastic change.  Friendship like this is a once in a lifetime occurrence.

I am ever so grateful that I also have Melissa’s friendship.  And since she and I met via email, our relationship won’t change no matter where either of us lives.  I think her friendship will also help me cope with our new situation.

I am also hoping to have Celia continue blogging.  As well as having the kids make home movies on DVD and then mail them to Caedmon.  We are blessed to have a video camera that burns directly to DVD.   As for Amanda and I, I intend to blog and email and I’ve already increased my cell phone minutes.