So the decision made, I have now moved to step two. Research. I am looking at every site I find. I am reading all their basic FAQs. I am ruling out some. But in general the list is growing. There are many organizations to choose from. How do I make a choice? Praying will of course be the biggest part of the decision making process. But not prayer alone. I also intend to reach out to the organizations and interview them as much as they will invariably interview me. And I am also hoping to gain feedback from others going through the process or that have finished the process.

Celia and Rhys were standing together. Celia was confronting David. Verbally bullying him. Something she knows better than to do. David felt threatened and rather than lash out at Celia, he choked Rhys. Yup. Choked him. In fact it was the first time the boys were at my house. I invited them over the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to paint Christmas ornaments and hang out. Eat pizza. Play Wii. Maybe watch a movie.

Avery fit right in with my boys. Hooting and hollering. Jumping around and playing on the Wii. The four of them were adorable. Rhys is more like Ryan. They enjoy quiet and order. Something I learned long ago to live without. So Rhys was mostly hanging around outside on the patio. Celia had found him to be a kindred spirit. More prone to conversation and reading than screaming and acting out video game deaths.

I don’t know what the argument was about. The three of them were outside. David backed against a wall. Rhys not understanding the situation but standing next to Celia. Celia probably felt empowered with a peer next to her. And she pushed. Not physically. But she was in David’s face. I’m sure doing her best authoritative voice and telling him what he was not allowed to do. Then David snapped. He lunged right for Rhys and choked him. Celia yelled for him to stop and ran inside for help. That was about the only thing she did right. Ugh.

I was close to tears.

Rhys was upset and said (several times) that he should have hit David with the [wiffle ball] bat. David was steaming. And Celia, of course, was defensive.

Ryan pulled Rhys aside and explained David’s Autism. He told him it was okay to block an attack but not to hit. Especially with a bat.

With prompting David apologized right away. Later during the movie David burst into tears and apologized again.

I’d like to say that was the only instance. But it wasn’t. We’ve had a few others. Just his siblings. But that doesn’t make it any less scary. It doesn’t make me any less upset when it happens. It doesn’t make me any less scared for his future.

We arrived at my uncle’s house in the sticks outside of Boone, NC around 7:30. My 4 kids and his 3 kids had never met. In fact, I haven’t seen my uncle since August of 2000! Celia was then 3 months old and their daughter was 7 months old.

Their son, Bobby, and David have become fast friends. In fact, Bobby is hoping we can stop again on our way home and David can come to his birthday party. It would be VERY cool if that works.

Celia and Emma are getting along great as well. Last night the girls took flashlights and hiked up a rather large hill to see if they could spot some deer. They were up there for quite a while. They could hear if we whistled, but their lights were out of view for pretty long. I was just thrilled that Celia is getting a taste of things that are closer to what I loved as a child. She is not around woods. She doesn’t have the safety that I had. I would never let her wander like I did. Checking in every few hours. Learning paths and animal trails. Learning to identify plants and footprints. I taught myself those things. My kids think a trail is a macadam path. *another sigh*

Daniel and Henry are in no way left out here. They are sometimes annoying the big kids. (Well, actually I guess that would be Henry who sometimes annoys the big kids.) But they are generally included in everything. Not the hike up the hill, of course. But they’ve been running around playing games and having battles.

All the kids have had the opportunity to gather eggs from free range chickens. Hike from the house to the fishing hole. Fish. Splash in the creek when fishing got old. Pick blueberries. And get their hiking shoes wet. How on earth they’re ever going to dry, I don’t know. (For those of you who haven’t had to face this, water-proof hiking shoes don’t dry very quickly.)

The dog seems to be enjoying the trip moderately well. My aunt and uncle have 5 dogs of their own. Two are a bit of bullies, but it’s not much of an issue. Daisy can’t kill their chickens or guinea pig because she has to be on a leash. Everyone here has adapted pretty quickly to making sure my dog doesn’t get out without her leash. If there were no chickens here, she’d probably run into the woods on a trail and get lost. But with the chickens here, I am rather confident that she’ d spend all her “free” time killing as many as possible. (It didn’t take her long to get 6 of my cousins’ Capons last summer.)

As for me… I’m loving it. The area is gorgeous. The temperatures are hot but not overwhelming. There is generally a nice breeze. There’s no need for air conditioning. They use fans in the windows during the night to bring in cool air. And it can get rather cool in here. I wasn’t sure if I wanted another quilt. The big downside is that there is no cell service unless you take the 30 minute drive to Boone. (On the way to Boone, NC you pass into Tennessee where the post office is, and then back into NC.) It’s an odd feeling driving places you aren’t familiar with and not having the option to call someone if you get lost.

We’re supposed to leave here Friday morning to head to Naples, FL to see my mom, dad, and sister. We’ll be in FL over Daniel’s birthday on the 10th. The kids are hoping we’ll be able to do one day at the magic kingdom, but I don’t know how the budget will handle that. We’ll have to wait and see.

First I was focusing on the northern United States and the National Parks. I’ve never been further northwest than Chicago. So, perhaps we’d stop at my mom’s outside Chicago for a week. Then proceed on. The Wisconsin Dells. The Badlands. Mount Rushmore. Yosemite and Old Faithful. Then we could head south. Maybe even see the Grand Canyon for the first time. Then head to Las Cruces, NM to see friends and then on to Plainview, TX to see my BFF. (It has been 3 long years after all.)

THEN my mom moved to FL.

When adding Florida into the mix, suddenly South Dakota is really REALLY out of the way. So, disappointments aside, we changed the trip.

Perhaps we could see adopted family in North Carolina that I haven’t seen in 10 years? They think it sounds good too. (That still may or may not work due to their daughter’s serious health problems. Pray for Elsie. She’s 6.) Then we could proceed to FL. A week with Gram and Pop-pop Chief (the kids’ name for my step-dad). Maybe even get one day at Magic Kingdom… Then we would make the arduous drive to Texas. My cousin just moved to Austin. We could visit him. Then he mentioned going to his in-laws’ in San Antonio. They have a ranch and a guest-house/shed. (Nothing fancy but it IS air-conditioned.) BUT that will only work if we go on the weekend. And that probably won’t work with the visit to my mom. Hmmm… But after seeing him and his wife and baby, we’re to continue on to Plainview – home of my wonderful best friend, her hubby, and her (now) three beautiful children. The baby is giving her some difficulty as is PPD. Then we thought we could go to Las Cruces for a couple days. Definitely over a Sunday so that we can attend Calvary Chapel Las Cruces. I was a member before it was ever a church. Then head home whatever way we wanted. Perhaps stopping in southern Illinois to see my friend Melissa (for the second time face-to-face).

It is going to be horribly hot in the south for tent camping, but since in FL we were to stay in my mom’s townhouse, that was one week out of the tent. And the week in TX would be worth it to see our friends. Then I thought maybe I could spring for a hotel room one night in Las Cruces. Then the tent one or two nights on the way home (continually heading north).

For quite some weeks this was the plan. I was psyched. The kids were psyched. The dog may have even been psyched. (I didn’t ask her.)

And then…

My best friends postpartum is not improving. Her son still has difficulties nursing. She’s not really functioning. Now is not a great time for a visit. Mega disappointment.

My mom forgot to mention to her new landlord that my dog was visiting for a week. She asked him and he said absolutely not.

My aunt who was going to go to Disney with us has had meningitis and then a relapse all within the last year. My mom pointed out that she probably couldn’t do the heat or the rides. That means if I go to Disney now it will just be me and the four kids. And who knows what I’ll do about the dog. I thought that for the day trip I could leave her with my mom… Yeah.

So, I spent pretty much all day today looking for places I can take my kids during the month of August.

I am perfectly befuddled. I don’t know where to go or what to do.

So at quarter to ten this morning I was awakened by my kids returning home from their dad’s, ready to get on the bus. We were all cheerful and happy. The kids left. Their dad left. I took a shower while Henry played Lego Star Wars on the PS2.

I needed to go to Wal-Mart. I had a flat tire and needed an oil change. I went out to warm up the car–though I couldn’t warm it TOO much, my gas light went on the day before the snow storm. And the battery was dead. There was a massive amount of snow in front of my car, so I was going to have to go wading just to open the hood. I got my dad’s battery charger and an extension cord. I had to run it through my car for it to reach the passenger side. It took a while to get contact, and then three tries for the car to start. My cousin (who lives next door) had come over by this time. We were discussing alleged heinous car battery accidents. He commented on my flat tire and said I should fill it at the gas station rather than drive all the way to Wal-Mart.

Henry was pleasant and willing to cooperate as always (NOT!) when I announce that it was time to leave. He was playing in my cousin’s snowy yard. (And wearing a Hulk sweatshirt rather than a coat.) Finally we left. I kept the car running and put a few gallons in the tank. Then I paid 50 cents for air. Problem: there was no built in air gauge. So I put in “some” air. Then McDonald’s drive-thru for lunch. On to Wal-Mart. I arrived exactly 30 minutes after starting my car. I finished throwing out all trash. My car looked clean and ready for a complimentary vacuuming. I checked the car in and asked them to check the tires.

Then I was off to return two items. I had to walk through the store to get to the front for their stickers. But in doing so I set off the alarms. So, basically, I walked out of the store, set off the alarms, and told the woman that I had returns. She gave me stickers and I got my $48 back. In gift card form, of course. Because I had no receipt. Good thing I’m an honest person.

Just as I was finishing with the returns, the school nurse called and said David threw up half way through lunch. Since my car was getting an oil change, I told her that David could wait or I could ask my dad to leave work and get him. We agreed to see if he could lie down and rest till my car is done.

I got stocking stuffers. I got gel inserts for my new boots. (Which were killing my feet.) I forgot the lasagna. I priced a couple WII games. (I know of our gifts.) Then we checked on the car. Not done. Henry wanted to see the fish. I had intended to get an algae eater. Off to the fish. After 5 minutes of no service, I flagged down a passing worker. She suggested I walk back to the restrooms and electronics and ask someone there to call for help. (Did I mention my feet were killing me?) I opted for the shorter walk back to automotive. The woman there was shocked at the response of the other Wal-Mart worker. Shocked? Really? Were you? Anyway, the woman at automotive walked to other workers, and asked them for help for me. The fishing license guy sold me my fish.

Then we finally got our van. Paid. And headed to the school. I called the school nurse and told her I was on my way.

David looked okay. A little sleepy.

I wanted to see my grandparents. I needed to return my grandmother’s mop (I borrowed it to clean grape jelly off my ceiling) and pick up our Lego Star Wars WII game. But most importantly, I miss them. I’ve only seen them twice since they returned from Florida.

We had only an hour to visit, but worth it. We had a nice visit. We munched a few cookies all gooey from the oven. And then I had to leave to get the kids off the bus. I left a little late, but I wasn’t worried. I decided to call my dad and ask him to get the kids. And worst case scenario, the kids would be taken to the High School office to wait for me.

I called Scott or Scott called me. I don’t remember. We were cut off eventually. Back roads. And about 5 minutes later, I accidentally hit the snow at the edge of the lane, lost control , over corrected, braked, and hit a tree.

Seriously.

I didn’t think it was too bad. I knew I hit  something. I was on a bad spot on the road. I couldn’t focus. I needed to stop. To assess. Then I realized David was crying. I glanced over my right shoulder and noticed the car wasn’t right. I stopped. I traveled about 20 feet past the tree I’d hit.

David and Henry both said they were okay. I realized why the car seemed weird. The side and back windows were gone. Then I noticed that my tire was back by the tree I’d hit. It was still on the wheel.

There was suddenly a lot of traffic on that little road. Most people left when they saw me on a phone. I called Dad first.

“Hi, Dad. I need you to get the kids off the bus, I was just in a car accident. We’re all okay.”

Then AAA. While I was on with them, I gave David the other cell phone, highlighted my grandmother’s number and told him, “Call Grandmom and Grandpop. Tell them we were in an accident, and we’re all okay. We’re on Hill Rd.” My grandparents are so impressed with him and how well he handled that call.

Eventually a dump truck driver and a pick-up truck stopped and insisted on staying. The dump truck driver offered to let the kids sit in his cab. Since it had windows, it was considerably warmer than my van. It was so nice of him.
When the truck driver called to confirm, he informed me that I NEED to call the cops. So, I got to dial 911. Fun.

My grandfather came. He picked up the kids and some of the things from my van. (My food for Chicago that was loaded in the back.) Soon Scott arrived.

Then the cops and then the tow truck. Broken rear axle meant flat bed truck. In trying to get my insurance and registration cards, I realized that the front passenger door no longer opened, even though it did not appear to be damaged. Everywhere I looked, it was just so bad. The tow truck driver thinks my van is totaled. Imagine totaling a car while driving 35 miles an hour.

I didn’t cry over my broken van, but I did cry over the affect it would have on our travel plans to see my mom in Chicago.

Back home, Dad sprung for pizza. Scott picked it up. We actually had a nice dinner. Scott and I got to talk like we haven’t in forever. We discussed my car future. Our income tax check. My child support. And our divorce. We both agreed that there’s no need for a lawyer as long as we keep agreeing on everything.

How can such a horrible day from start to finish have such happy times in between? I was in such a sunny mood today. And I was glad Scott was around to help in crisis.

Daniel’s conference was next. I was concerned about this one. I wasn’t sure whether his teacher cared that he was repeating kindergarten and already knew everything on the homework sheets. Turns out Daniel is one of five who are repeating. She is very conscious of making everything new and interesting for them. She also has time for them to be challenged in class. They are split by ability and they do work according to skill. Daniel takes great pride in being a role model for the students that can’t do as much. She loves having him in class.

And finally I had Celia’s conference. This was the first time I got to meet her teacher. I went in not thinking the best of her, and left thinking she seems nice. Gee, could it be influenced by the fact that she kept raving over Celia’s beauty and her hair? Then she told me how wonderful the book was that Celia read to the class. (Celia took in The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane and asked if the class could read it. The teacher allowed Celia to read it to the class.) She said the class was quieter while Celia read than while she (the teacher) reads. She commented on Celia’s grades leveling out. Thinking that Celia just needed to settle in. I confessed that I put Celia back on Strattera (her ADD med) since her class work was suffering. And you should see her report card! All A’s with one B in science. All her behavioral marks are O’s. Previous years her report cards would have a good mix of O’s, S’s and N’s. She always had difficulties finishing work in the time allotted and difficulties working with others. Now the teacher has to assign partners because there are about six girls who always want to be paired with Celia. And her final assessment: she thinks Celia should be tested for gifted. I’ve always agreed, but it seems like while off her meds, the other teachers didn’t agree. I intend to write a letter formally requesting testing for gifted next week.