I fell yesterday. I know. Not really news. Not a shocker. I fall all the time.
But this time I didn’t end up with a hard lump or a nasty bruise. I ended up with a broken piece of wood and a sagging “bed”. One of the supports that held the table to make the dinette a bed broke. And I mean really broke. Twelve inches of wood stayed in place. The other few feet hung down at an angle.
So I got out the drill and some glue and after some sweat and more than a few curses, the board is back in place and supporting weight.
I had to apologize to the kids for being cranky and snapping at them.
Henry said, “You don’t have to apologize. You get cranky at night. It’s not a big deal.”
And at that point all I felt was shame. I don’t want to be THAT mom. The mom whose kids are not surprised by grumpiness and exasperation. The mom that doesn’t apologize for taking a bad day out on her kids. The mom who takes things for granted and doesn’t appreciate what life has given.
I thanked them for being understanding and told them I want to be better than that.
So today when I am feeling tired or stressed, I am going to try to hold myself accountable. I am going to take a deep breath, say a short prayer, and treat my children with the love and understanding that they deserve. Each day is a gift from God. If I have learned anything from losing my dad and then my David, it is that we are here for such a short while and we need to appreciate each moment together.