I fell yesterday.  I know.  Not really news.  Not a shocker.  I fall all the time.

But this time I didn’t end up with a hard lump or a nasty bruise.  I ended up with a broken piece of wood and a sagging “bed”.  One of the supports that held the table to make the dinette a bed broke.  And I mean really broke.  Twelve inches of wood stayed in place.  The other few feet hung down at an angle.

So I got out the drill and some glue and after some sweat and more than a few curses, the board is back in place and supporting weight.

I had to apologize to the kids for being cranky and snapping at them.

Henry said, “You don’t have to apologize.  You get cranky at night.  It’s not a big deal.”

And at that point all I felt was shame.  I don’t want to be THAT mom.  The mom whose kids are not surprised by grumpiness and exasperation.  The mom that doesn’t apologize for taking a bad day out on her kids.  The mom who takes things for granted and doesn’t appreciate what life has given.

I thanked them for being understanding and told them I want to be better than that.

So today when I am feeling tired or stressed, I am going to try to hold myself accountable.  I am going to take a deep breath, say a short prayer, and treat my children with the love and understanding that they deserve.  Each day is a gift from God.  If I have learned anything from losing my dad and then my David, it is that we are here for such a short while and we need to appreciate each moment together.

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